Dreaming
He woke with a start, heart beating wildly. He was alone, he was cold. His quarters were dark; the only light was the light of the stars streaking by outside the window. He wasn’t sure what had awakened him but it was probably the dream. He lay there without moving as reality sank in once again.
Every night was like this. He would wake from the dream and the depression and overwhelming grief would set in. The grief would press down on him until he could hardly breathe. The tears wouldn’t come, he wished they would, he thought they might give him some relief. He struggled thru each day trying to do his job and to act normal. How do you act normal when your whole life is over?
Everyone told him that it would take time, that he would be all right. But he wasn’t sure that was going to happen. They had been together for 10 years. When he found Jon, it was like finding a part of himself that he didn’t know was missing. Now that he was gone, his soul was gone with him.
He closed his eyes and tried to remember the dream. It was the usual dream but tonight it had been so real. As always in his dream Jon was back. He smiled as he remembered how green his eyes were in the low light as they held each other. He remembered the sound of Jon’s breathing and his heart beating slow and steady. He remembered the soft feel of his lips on his own and his demanding hands on his body. He remembered his laugh, the sound of his voice, the unique smell of him and the softness of his hair under his fingers. He smiled slightly remembering the vividness of the dream. In his dream he had fallen asleep in those strong arms.
He sighed, the despair of the last week returning as it always did once the waking was complete. He groaned and looked at the clock, it was a little after 3. He knew he wouldn’t get back to sleep tonight. He decided that he would just get up and go down to engineering. There was still plenty of work to do down there.
As his feet hit the floor, he heard a small sound from the corner of the room, he peered into the darkness as a voice whispered.
“Trip, is something wrong?”
Trip froze. Jon??
The figure moved out of the dark and sat down beside him and pulled him into his arms. Trip wrapped his arms around him. It wasn’t a dream. The reality came flooding back. Jon was alive. Jon had come back to him. He buried his face into Jon’s neck and then the tears came.
end
