Redemption

Archer glared at Trip for a moment and then spat. “Dismissed.” He turned his back to him and stared out of the porthole.

“Cap’n?” Trip said softly, not quite believing that this was the end of the conversation.

Archer ignored him and a moment later Trip walked slowly out of the door of the Captains Ready Room.

I had been relaxing in my cabin when Hoshi told me that the captain of the Vissian ship wanted to speak with me and he seemed upset. The conversation was not pleasant and I knew I had to deal with another unpleasant conversation. I needed to talk with Trip. I got up and dressed in my uniform and ordered Trip to report to my ready room.

As I was waited for him, I tried to think thru what I would say to him. I had never been so angry or disappointed in Trip in all the years that I have known him. When he arrived and the conversation began I reacted with anger. I wasn’t interested in what he might have to say. I looked at his stricken face and didn’t care. The Cogenitor was dead and it was Trip’s fault. Our first contact with these people had gone terribly wrong. All I could think at that moment was that it was Trip’s fault. My report to Starfleet would be a black mark on this ship and my command.

After Trip left, I paced the ready room. As I paced, I realized that I was also feeling guilt and not just the anger. Guilty that I spent 3 days with the Vissian captain and out of touch with what was happening with my crew. Maybe if I hadn’t wanted an adventure so badly, I would have been here to see what was happening, to see how Trip was feeling. To be there for him to confide in, to advise him before the situation fell so totally apart.

Charles Tucker III and I have a pretty special relationship. We have known each other for 9 years. I was drawn to him the first time I met him. That he so emotionally defended my father’s engine to the Vulcan’s made me notice him. I called him impulsive…yes he is impulsive, always has been. I have always been the one to turn things over and over in my head until I come to a conclusion/resolution and then I act on it. Out here I have agonized over situations with other species and have probably not always made the best choices but at the time they have seemed the right way to go. I have had my impulsive moments though. Impulsiveness kept the NX program from being scrubbed. Amazing that two men who approach life in such different ways could have bonded so well. But I think it is our so opposite ways of handling things that make ours a tight bond. We seem to offset each other perfectly. The first night that I met Trip, we went to the 602 Club and talked until closing time. We have been best friends since then.

I fought for Trip to be the Chief Engineer on Enterprise. I couldn’t imagine being out here in deep space without his knowledge and expertise with this engine. He was definitely the most qualified of all the candidates so Star Fleet had no problem with my choice. I wondered occasionally if there wasn’t another reason that I pushed so hard to have him on my crew.

Being a starship captain is a very lonely. There is no one else of my command level to associate with. It is expected that a captain will not fraternize with his crew. I have no one that I could be myself with…except Trip. I find myself looking forward to our meals together, our off time watching water polo or just talking or sharing a drink. With Trip, I can be Jonathon Archer and not Captain Archer. I need that time. Lately I find myself wondering if I am too dependent on Trip. Not just to keep the engines running but for my emotional health as well.

Finally I stop pacing. I will talk with Trip later when we have both had time to think. I need to get back to the bridge. Things are quiet; I get reports from T’Pol regarding a nebula that is about 10 light years in front of us. We have decided to take a few reading on our way by but not stop. Malcolm Reed needed to update me on the upgrades that are going on to the phase cannons. And Hoshi is having problems with the UT again. My bridge crew is excellent, I listen to their reports and give a little feedback but mostly I step out of the way and let them do their jobs. I read and sign a few reports and listen to the low hum of their work chatter, thinking how lucky I am to be here on this marvelous ship. Thoughts of Trip and the cogenator intrude on the quiet and once again, I am up and pacing around the bridge. I notice the quick looks. Yes, the captain is pacing again. I am sure by now they have heard about the Cogenitor and probably my early morning meeting with Trip. Things don’t go unnoticed around here for long.

I realize that I haven’t gotten my daily report from Trip. I hit the com. “Archer to Engineering.”

“Lt Hess here, captain.” comes the response. Not what I expected. Trip usually answers when I call down.

“Is Commander Tucker there, Lt?”

“No sir, he came by earlier and gave us assignments and then left again.”

“I didn’t get an update from engineering this morning.”

“Sorry, sir.” Lt Hess replied, “I thought the Commander had sent it off.” I hear her pushing buttons. “Should be at your station now, sir.”

“Thank you, Lieutenant. Archer out.”

Now I have the engineering report that I really don’t need anyway. Trip keeps the engines running so efficiently that reports rarely showed anything different. And he always shares any odd occurrences with me whenever that happens.

I know now, I handled the talk with Trip badly. I need to talk with him again. I start thinking about how he must be feeling. I dumped the whole responsibility of the Cogenator’s death on his shoulders. I realize how much he was emotional involved with this person. How this death must be tearing him apart inside. I literally turned my back on him. The only thing I worried about how this was going to reflect on me. I never even thought how much it would be affecting him, even while I was looking at him, seeing the tears in his eyes, seeing him fight for control in front of me.

I am up and pacing again not caring that the crew is giving each other puzzled looks. Finally I stop.

“T’Pol, you have the bridge.”

“Captain?”

“You have the bridge, call if you need anything, I will be in my quarters.”

I walk out. I notice the look on her face. Was it curiosity or concern? That seems kind of emotional for a Vulcan, I grin to myself quickly, thinking Trip would enjoy that.

As I walk toward the crew quarters, I think I should stop by Trip’s quarters and see how he is doing. I turn in that direction but stop myself. I still need more time. I head to my quarters. Porthos greets me eagerly as I enter. I stop and talk with him and scratch his ears. I pick him up and nuzzle his soft fur. As always just the contact with him, makes me calmer. The com buzzes before I can do anything else.

“Dr Phlox to Captain Archer.”

“Captain, could you come to sickbay when you have a moment.”

“On my way.”

By the time I arrive at Sick Bay, I am uneasy.

Entering Sick Bay I find Trip sitting on a biobed staring down at his feet and Dr Phlox running a scanner over him.

“Ahh, Captain, good to see you.” Dr Phlox as always is cheerful; nothing ever seems to bother him. “Glad you could make it so quickly.” he continues. “Commander Tucker has requested to be relieved from duty for an indefinite time.”

Startled, I look at the biobed. “Trip?” He doesn’t look up.

I move closer, worried. “Commander?” I insist.

He responds “Captain?”

It is like I have been hit in the chest! Captain…. where was the familiar Cap’n. I move over to the biobed and study him closely.

He raises his eyes and looks at me. His eyes are so filled with pain that I can hardly look at them.

I put my hand on his shoulder; I feel him tense and pull away slightly so I take it away.

I turn to Phlox. “What is the problem, Doctor?”

Phlox looks up from his scanner and moves to the other side of Sickbay. I move with him.

“I can find nothing physically wrong with him, Captain but he seems very emotionally distraught and I think at this point we should grant his request that he be relieved from duty. I am assuming this emotional breakdown has to do with the Cogenitors death.”

I look sharply at him. I have not told him anything about this but I am not really surprised that he knows.

“If this is the problem, Doc, is there anyway we can help him deal with this while he remains on duty? Enterprise needs her chief engineer.”

I am very reluctant to allow Trip to be relieved from duty. Part of it is selfishness. I rely on him totally. But the other part is that knowing Trip, I feel that he would be better off if he had his engines to concentrate on.

Trip speaks up from the other side of the room. “Captain?”

We were speaking quietly but I have the feeling he has heard everything. I walk over to him.

“Yes!” I say a little too sharply. I am reacting to the fact that this is the second time in 5 minutes that he has spoken to me more formally than he usually does.

“Sir, please just relieve me of duty. I don’t think I can be of much use right now. I just need some time right now to make some decisions.”

“Decision? What kind of decisions?” I hear the coldness in my tone.

“I am not sure I belong out here, sir.”

I don’t respond. I just look at him. My mind is not processing this. Is he saying that he wants to go home? This thought hits me hard. I had always assumed that he would be here on this ship, with these engines…with me…. for the whole mission.

“Trip…” I start

“Sir, please.” He interrupts looking at me. There is pain in his eyes but there is also a distance from me. His look does not invite me to go any further with what I was going to say.

I study him for a few moments.

“Very well, you are relieved of duty until further notice. You are to report to Dr Phlox at least once a day.”

“Thank you, sir.” He looks inquiringly at Phlox.

“You may go, Commander, but I expect you to report to me tomorrow morning.”

Trip nods, slides off the biobed and walks out the door.

It has been over 2 weeks since Trip asked to be relieved of duty. He has reported to Phlox as ordered every day. Phlox reports to me that Trip is very agitated and has been unable to concentrate to do even the simplest tests. It is probably a good thing that he has been relieved of duty. Phlox has tried to act as psychologist to try and get him to open up as to what he is feeling. He apparently is not having any success. He has expressed his frustration more than once at Trip stubborn refusal to do anything more than report each day.

I am at a loss as to what I can do. I have tried on 3 different occasions to talk with Trip. He is polite, respectful and distant. I feel shut off from him. The easy camaraderie that we have always shared is gone.

I find myself going thru my routine in a haze. It is a quiet time in this mission right now, usually I am impatient when nothing is happening but this time, I am grateful that I don’t have to make too many decisions.

I spend a lot of time in my ready room. It affords me some privacy for reflection. I have been doing a lot of that the last couple of days. Do I still think Trip was wrong in regard to the Vissian Cogenitor? I definitely do. One day there will be a set of directives in place to deal with situations such as this. I vow to have a hand in working out something formal so that other captains are not faced with some of the decisions that my crew and I have had to wrestle with.

Would I have handled the situation differently with Trip? I am not sure; I know I should have handled it differently. For all of his good ole boy routine, Trip is a very sensitive man.

I find myself missing him more than I thought I would. I miss the easy way we seem to know what the other is thinking. I miss his quick glances when we are totally in sync about something. I miss our long talks in the evening after duty hours. I miss my friend.

I make a decision. I leave my ready room, pass thru the bridge onto the lift. “You have the Bridge, Malcolm.” T’Pol is in the science department running some scans on a binary star system which we are close too.

“Aye, sir.” I hear him answer as the lift door closes.

I stop by the Science department to check on the status of the star system that T’Pol is taking readings on. It is about the most exciting thing that has happened in the last couple of weeks.

“How’s it going?” I say as I approach her. She is bent over a monitor in total concentration. She seems to do everything in total concentration. She looks up in response to my question.

“ I am getting some unusual readings from one of the stars. I believe that it may be becoming unstable.” her tone is bland but having served with her for this long, I know she was excited about this new discovery.

“Is the ship in any danger?” I ask. It occurs to me that maybe we are too close to this system.

She studies her console for a moment and then says

“No, I don’t believe Enterprise is in any danger. The readings are fluctuating but at a relatively low level. It might be worth taking a few more readings before we leave the system.”

I nod, accepting her opinion. I look at the readings that she has already taken for a few more minutes and then leave the department. I make a decision as I walk out of the Science Department.

I make my to Trip quarters. I know that he has been spending most of his time there. I punch the buzzer. It takes a few moments but finally I am rewarded by Trip opening the door. He looks like he hasn’t slept in days. His blond hair is sticking out like he has been running his hands repeatedly thru it. He gazes at me for a moment and then turns and walks back to his bunk. I follow and shut the door behind me.

“Trip….” I begin

“Captain, look if you don’t mind, I would just like to be left alone.” He doesn’t meet my eyes, just stares at the floor.

“Unfortunately, Trip, that is not going to happen today.” I say grimly.

He glances at me startled.

“We need to talk and I am not going anywhere until we have.” I am silent for a moment trying to form my words.

“The cogenitor dying is a tragedy, there is no doubt about it. I said it was your fault, it is but it is also partly my fault. I shouldn’t have gone off for 3 days. I should have been available for you to talk with before you made any of those decisions.”

“It’s not your fault” he repeats quietly what he was trying to say 2 weeks ago. I wait for him to continue. He just runs his hands thru his hair again. I sigh and try again.

“Trip, there comes a point where you are going to have to forgive yourself and move forward with your life. You need to move on and make your life a meaningful one. The greatest tragedy would be if two lives were lost because of this. The cogenitor is gone but you are still here.”

This time it is my turn to run my hand thru my hair. I am doing a bad job of this. I am not a psychologist.

I try again. “It will take you some time to get thru this, it is not going to happen quickly but you need to let us help you. Talk with Dr Phlox, talk with me, we are both available for you at any time.”

He turns and stares at me. I hold his gaze, waiting. A moment later he is staring at the floor again.

Finally he says quietly. “I am resigning from Starfleet. I am going home. I don’t belong out here. I can’t jeopardize your mission anymore. You fought for me to be here and I have failed you. ”

“Trip, Enterprise needs you. Hell I need you here. You don’t think I haven’t made decisions that I find hard to live with. Everyday I live with the decision not to provide medical care to the Valakeins. Maybe they got the help they needed but maybe they are still dying because I had to make a decision to not give them the technology that might have saved their lives. We all do it out here, Trip, and we will do it again and again as we explore deep space. We are the first. It is always harder for the first. The ones that follow will have the benefit of being able to review our decisions and mistakes. Don’t make a decision that you are sure to regret. Forgive yourself, stay and let’s find out what is out there.”

I put my hand on his back, he doesn’t move away; I leave it there for a moment. . Finally I take my hand away and sit down beside him. We sit there for a long time without talking. I almost feel like we are connecting again. We sit there in silence for a long time but it seems to be a healing silence and I just let it continue.

Finally he glances at me and says. “I know I have disappointed you, sir. I really thought I was going to be able to help the co genitor have a better life. I just hated to see that ‘Charles’ was stuck in that room all day and not treated like a person that had any feelings. I really thought I could make a difference in that person’s life. I have never made a difference in someone’s life before.”

I think to myself…oh Trip if you only knew!

I say gently “I think you make more of a difference in peoples lives than you know, Trip. You have so many people on this ship that would give their lives for you just because you have made a difference in their lives. You are always there to listen and to help when you can.”

He listens quietly. “But that’s different, sir………”

“No, it isn’t different” I interrupt firmly “Your day to day actions make a difference in people lives. That is important, maybe more important than making a difference for someone of another species”

I am silent for a while as he turns and faces me for the first time during this conversation.

“It wasn’t the right time for the Cogenitor, Trip. Maybe someday they will be able to take a place in Vissian society but it isn’t time yet. Maybe someday one Vissian will read the records of this incident and feel something other than alien interference was to blame for its suicide and it will spark a change. But not yet…not yet.” I sigh. Trip’s instinct was noble; he was more human than most people. But when it comes to different cultures and species, we are finding out that we have to leave our pre-conceived notions of our culture out of equation when dealing with them.

I continue. “Enterprise and her crew needs you, Trip, you make a difference here.”

His blue eyes bore into mine. I can’t read what he is thinking so just wait.

He starts to say something but we are thrown against each other by a violent heaving of the ship. As the ship settles I jump to my feet and hit the comm. “Archer…. bridge REPORT!” No response. The ship bucks again.

Trip and I are out of the door before it settles again for a few seconds. As we start down the hall…I stop at a com station and punch the button.

“Archer to bridge…” This time I am rewarded with a faint voice and a lot of static.

“Captain, we have...”

The voice fades out…I am not even sure if it is T’Pol or if Malcolm still has the bridge. I hit the wall with frustration and then am running again. Trip is a little ahead of me and is heading for engineering.

The ship shifts wildly and I am thrown again the bulkhead hard. I feel pain in my left shoulder. Trip slows down and reaches toward me.

“I’m fine!!” I wave him on and follow him. The corridor is filling up with off duty crewman.

“Report to your stations!” I order and they scatter in different directions. The lights are flickering in the corridor and I pray they won’t go out completely. I need to get to the bridge quickly.

Thank goodness up ahead is the lift. I slide to a stop and hit the button. Nothing…I hit it again but it is apparent that the lift is out. I head to engineering which is on this level. I should be able to at least communicate with the bridge from there. Trip and I burst thru the door at about the same moment.

“REPORT!!” We both yell.

Lt Hess…looking relieved to see to see us gives us a hasty report. “We have been hit with something powerful, the warp engines are off line. We have impulse power but that is all and we are fighting to keep that online. Communications with the bridge are down right now, sir.” she finishes looking at me.

“What hit us?” I ask “Unknown sir, but I don’t think it was a weapon.”

Whatever has hit us seems to have stopped for now. I head for the comm. Trip is heading for his engineering station. I push a few buttons and try to reroute communications so that I can at least talk with my bridge. I am trying to be calm but it is fast becoming impossible. This is my ship; I need to find out what is going on.

“Archer to bridge…”

“Captain, one of the stars in the binary system that we were studying has exploded. It is sending very powerful shock waves and debris thru the whole area.”

“Get us out of here, subcommander!” I order.

“We are attempting to do so but even though we have impulse power our ability to maneuver is greatly diminished.”

“The lifts are out but I am heading up there right now.” I know there are a series of ladders and I can work my way up there.

“I wouldn’t advise that, Captain. There are more shockwaves coming, if you are caught in those passageways when they hit, you could be seriously injured.”

I am not worried about myself. I need to keep Enterprise safe. “SubCommander, I am on my way up there, polarize the hull plating!”

“Already done.”

“When is the next shockwave schedule to hit us?” I continue.

“3 minutes, Captain, and this one seems to have a great deal of debris with it.”

I turn to the engineering station where Trip is working frantically.

“Trip, we need warp power NOW!”

“I’m trying, sir but we have an overload in the plasma coils and I have to clear that first.”

I almost groan in frustration. “Quickly, Commander.” Even though I know he is probably the only one on this ship that could get this done quickly.

He doesn’t answer, his attention on the engineer board.

I hesitate for a second and then decide to at least attempt to get to the bridge. I start toward the ladder at the other end of engineering.

“Trip…” I begin but am interrupted by a curse from the engineering station. I look up at him.

“The coils are not responding to the commands to purge…. I need to get down there.” He is climbing down the ladder. He glances around at everyone frantically working.

“Let’s go.” I say quickly. I know he needs help with this and I didn’t grow up a warp engineer’s son without knowing something about engineering.

He beats me to the door, swings the handle and we are inside. The plasma coils are set off in a compartment behind a bulkhead door. This provides some protection to the main engineering section if the plasma would leak. I head for the panel to the plasma coils; Trip is on the board inside the door. I pry off the panel, pull down the levels to reveal the purge valves.

“The blue ones, correct? ” I call out to him. I am very sure I am right but I am not taking any chances at this point.

“Yes but give me a sec here.” His fingers are flying on the panel. “Ok, purge em.”

I pull the three levers simultaneously and look at Trip. His face indicates that it is working.

The door opens again and Lieutenant Hess slips in quickly.

“Sorry, Sir.” She says to Trip as he turns to her. “My com is out.” which explains why she is in here instead of at her station.

She continues. “The antimatter containment field is stable now, we can go to warp as soon as the plasma coils are purged.

She glances at the board and sees that the coil purge is just about done. She quickly turns and starts toward the hatch.

Just then the ship shutters violently and in horror I hear debris hitting the hull. One of the sections of the bulkhead has collapsed and has trapped Hess under it. Trip acts quickly and pries the piece off her. He throws her arm around his neck and half drags; half carries her out of the door. There are crewman running and grabbing fire extinguishers for the small fires that I can see thru the door. The whole area is filled with smoke. I head for the door; I need to get to the communications panel.

Just as I reach the door the ship jumps again and I am throw almost back to where I started. I get up mentally taking note of injuries, I seem to be ok, I don’t get more than 2 steps before something slams into the bulkhead beside me. Before I can react, I am struck by white-hot agony in my right chest. The pain drives me to my knees. I hear a hissing coming from above me, and vaguely I realize there is a hull breach. I have to get out of here. I stumble over debris and fall again. My chest feels like it has a hot poker in it and I am starting to have trouble taking in a breath. I try to move but I feel like I am walking thru water. Concentrating on the door, I will myself to move towards it. Just then it opens wider and Trip dashes in. He glances up and sees the breach.

“Cap’n, we need to get out of here.”

His tone is urgent. His face flickers with concern and fear as he realizes that I have been injured.

I try to respond to him but the words aren’t coming out. God, my chest hurts so badly and I need air. Why can’t I breathe? I try to walk forward but my knees buckle again. Before I can fall, Trip has thrown my arm around his neck and he supports almost my full weight. I try to walk but nothing is working. He ends up dragging me to the door. Just as we get to the door, the breach becomes wider and the vacuum of space threatens to suck us outside the ship. Vaguely I am aware that Trip has one arm around my chest and one arm hooked around the door to keep us from getting sucked out. I try to help but my body isn’t listening and my world is getting gray. I gasp again, trying to get air into my lungs.

From a distance, I hear Trip yell to someone. “Pull!!” His other arm tights around my chest and a few seconds later, we are outside the airlock and a crewman has sealed it. The pain flares into white hot again as we hit the floor. I moan. I have never felt this much pain. Trip sits up but keeps his arms around me, murmuring reassurances to me.

I hear a crewman speaking. “Sir, the Captain, is he………”

“ Get a medical team in here, immediately” he yells at the crewman. He sounds a little panicked. The crewman disappears.

“Hang in there, Cap’n, the doc is coming”

I try to reassure Trip that I am ok but my mouth seems to be full of a thick liquid and I find it isn’t any easier to breath out here. I cough and the fluid flies out of my mouth. I note dully that it looks like blood.

I hear Trip’s sharp intake of breath.

I don’t have any strength left and I lean my head up against his chest. I hear the sounds of the crew in the distance, my world is getting black at the edges and I am still fighting for every breath that I am taking in. As the world fades completely, I hear Trip telling me to hang on.

Beeping…………….soft murmur of voices………….bright light…. then pain all intrude on the darkness. I am confused…where am I. Why does my chest hurt? Suddenly I remember…Enterprise is in danger. I open my eyes and attempt to sit up. If 2 pairs of hands hadn’t been on my shoulders to stop my progress then the pain that knives thru my chest would have. I lie back down and look up into the face of Dr Phlox.

“Ahh, Captain” He says with that smile of his. “Welcome back!”

“Enterprise?” I croak.

“Everything is fine, Cap’n.” Trip smiles down at me from the other side of the bed. “We went to warp after that last shock that caused the hull breach. We have been making repairs for the last 2 days and things are pretty much back to normal.”

“2 days?” I look at Phlox questioningly.

“There was a metal rod that went thru your chest, Captain. It caused bleeding into the chest cavity and also broke some ribs. I took the precaution of keeping you sedated pretty heavily so that you could get a good start on healing before you started moving around too much. Sub Commander T’Pol and Commander Tucker have done an excellent job in your absence.”

“What happened?” I turn my head and look at Trip.

“One of the binary stars that we were near exploded. T’Pol says she has never heard of a star exploding without some kind of warning. The first shockwave knocked out the warp field and we took a lot of damage but managed to keep impulse power. Once we had purged the plasma coils, we got warp drive and maneuverability back for just long enough to get us clear of the debris and shock waves. Enterprise is fine, Cap’n, and only minor injuries to the crew. There were some minor hull breaches and then the larger one in the plasma coil compartment but those are repaired now. Warp engines are back online. We are back on course at Warp 2 until you give us further orders.” Trip stops talking as the doctor who left a little while ago comes back.

I hear the hissing of a hypo spray. I don’t fight it; the pain is back with a vengeance. Knowing that Enterprise is ok, I am content to let the sedative do its work.

My head is still fuzzy and I am getting tired again. A memory returns. Trip pulled me out of the plasma coil compartment. I turn to him and try to tell him that I remember but the sedative is working and I can’t form the words. I just look at him. He meets my gaze and smiles again. It is a reassuring smile and I relax.

“S’ok, Cap’n.” He takes my hand “Sleep now, we’ll talk later.”

Waking this time is easier. I am not as confused about my surroundings and the pain is much improved. I move gingerly on the bed but there was only a slight discomfort instead of the full fire of the pain. I open my eyes slowly and see Dr Phlox at the other side of the sick bay probably feeding one of his creatures. I hear a soft sound to my left side, turning my head I see Trip sitting in a chair beside my bed and he is sleeping. Phlox notices that I am awake and walks toward me smiling. I glance at Trip and put my finger to my lips. “Shhh.” I whisper. “How long as he been here.”

“He usually comes in after his shift and stays for a while, sometimes he just falls asleep there. ” He informs me in a low voice.

I nod but am quite surprised at this. “How long have I been sleeping this time?”

“About 18 hours. How are you feeling?” He picks up his scanner and runs it over my chest and head. He nods seemingly pleased with the results and puts the scanner on the table.

“I feel much better.” I state and sit up carefully. “Can I get out of here now?”

He looks at me doubtfully for a minute then slowly nods.

“Well I don’t see why not as long as you don’t go on duty for a couple more days and report to me twice a day.”

I am disappointed that he will not let me return to duty but the thought of getting back to my quarters and Porthos is so appealing that I try not let it get me down.

“I’ll make sure he gets there safely, Doc.” Trip is awake and smiling at me.

“Very well, Commander. Off you go.” Phlox starts to turn away and then turns back to me and says. “Oh and Captain, if you start feeling any pain or trouble breathing I want you to report call me immediately.”

“Oh you can be sure of that, Doc.” Trip answers for me.

I turn and glare at Trip. I certainly wasn’t infirmed enough that I couldn’t answer for myself.

“I’ll call if I need anything.” I promise Phlox as I slowly get off the biobed. I feel a little shaky for a minute but that clears pretty quickly and I head for the door with Trip at my elbow.

“Stop acting like a mother hen. I’m fine.” I chided him as we walked into the corridor.

“Well you sure weren’t fine a couple of days ago. I thought we had lost you.” He starts out teasing but his tone changes. “You weren’t even breathing when the doc finally arrived, you weren’t out of danger for quite a few hours.”

“Thanks, Trip, if it hadn’t been for you, I wouldn’t have gotten out of there to even be treated Phlox. I owe you my life.”

He puts his hand on my shoulder and says with a shadow of a grin. “Nothin’ that you wouldn’t or haven’t done for me.”

We were nearing my quarters and I was feeling a little shaky even though the walk was a short one. I put my hand on the bulkhead to support myself a little.

“Lean on me, Cap’n.” Trip put his arm around my waist. I put my arm around his shoulder and we finished the walk to my quarters.

Porthos is ecstatic to see me and jumps up on me to get my attention. Trips picks him up and holds him while I walk over and sit on my bunk. As soon as Trip releases him, he is all over me, licking and whining. I laugh and hug him. I am as happy to see him as him as he is to see me. I don’t even mind the discomfort when he bumps into my chest.

“Ok, boy. Go to your bunk.” Obediently he goes to his bed but never takes his eyes off me.

“So back on duty, I see.” I remark casually after I get settled on the bed. Actually it feels good to be lying down again.

“Yeah, he figured he had to since I was working anyway.” He grins like he has put something over on Phlox.

“Have you changed your mind about resigning from Starfleet?”

“I think so.” He says in a low tone and moves a chair beside my bunk and sits down. “I realized that everything that I care about is right here on Enterprise, so I really have no where else to go or no where that I want to go.”

“Good.” I say. “This is where you belong.”

He doesn’t say anything for a minute.

“After the Congenitor died I wasn’t sure that you still wanted me here? You shut me out.” His eyes plead for reassurance.

“I was pretty angry, I won’t deny that. I still feel like you made a big mistake but my mistake was closing myself off from you. But there was never a moment that I didn’t think you belonged here or that I didn’t want you here.”

He grins a little “So you don’t mind watching to make sure that I won’t get into any more trouble.”

I laugh. “Well, it’s a tough job, but someone has to do it.”

We laugh and the conversation turns to Enterprise, the crew and even a little gossip until he realizes that I am tiring. He leaves me to return to his own quarters and Porthos realizing that he can have me all to himself, hops up on the bed uninvited and curls up beside me. As I drift off to sleep with my hand on his warm back, I am content. Trip will need more time to fully come to terms with what happened to the cogenitor but he has made a good step in that process. Meanwhile the universe awaits us.

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